The Levels of Listening

Listening is a vital skill for effective conflict avoidance and resolution.

It is not just about hearing the words, but processing and understanding the message in its entirety.

To help you identify your own style and improve, we can classify listening into four levels, from the most superficial to the deepest.

The four levels of listening

Pretending to listen: This is the lowest and most superficial level of all, a common practice we have all engaged in at one time or another.

At this level, the person appears to be paying attention, nodding or responding with monosyllables at the appropriate time, but in reality his or her mind is elsewhere.

No information is being processed and, therefore, this form of listening is of no use in resolving a conflict.

Selecting: At this level, the receiver picks up some of the information, but ignores the rest, usually because they are more interested in another topic or their own thoughts.

A common example is when someone is on the phone and, at the same time, has the TV on: his brain selects and processes what interests him, ignoring the person talking to him.

This shows a lack of respect and attention, which prevents a deep understanding of the message.

Attentive: This is the first level of truly effective listening, a type of active listening in which full attention is paid to the message being received.

At this level, the listener uses supportive phrases, such as "ah, I understand," and body language, such as nodding, to demonstrate that he or she is following the conversation and is interpreting the message appropriately.

This level of listening is very useful for most workplace conflicts and for preventing them from escalating.

Empathize: The deepest and most thorough level is empathetic listening.

It is not just hearing what is being said, but understanding what is being said "between the lines," paying attention to body language and tone of voice.

Empathic listening allows you to connect with the other person's emotions, whether frustration, fear or anger, which is invaluable in de-escalating a conflict or preventing it from getting worse.

However, care must be taken not to get carried away with the other person's emotions, as this could cause the conflict to escalate rather than resolve.

The key is to choose the right level of listening for each situation, with attentiveness and empathy being the most recommended for managing conflicts.

Summary

Listening is a vital skill for resolving conflict, and is classified into four levels ranging from superficial to deep. Understanding these levels helps to improve communication and effectiveness.

Ineffective levels are "pretending to listen," where no information is processed, and "cherry-picking," where only part of the message is captured. Both prevent real understanding and demonstrate disrespect.

The effective levels are "attending", which is active and attentive listening, and "empathizing", the deepest level, which allows you to understand emotions and nonverbal messages to de-escalate tension.