The Thomas-Kilmann Model

The Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Modes Model (TKI) is a fundamental tool that classifies five main styles of conflict response based on two dimensions: assertiveness (the degree to which one tries to meet one's own needs) and cooperation (the degree to which one tries to meet the needs of others).

There is no "right" or "wrong" style, as the effectiveness of each depends on the context and the desired outcome.

The five styles of conflict management

Competing (assertive, non-cooperative): This style is used to impose one's own needs over those of others.

It is appropriate when the outcome is more important than the relationship, such as in short-term negotiations or crisis situations where a quick and firm decision needs to be made.

In a crisis, you cannot accommodate those who are wrong; if you know what needs to be done, you must assert yourself and take control.

Accommodate (non-assertive, cooperative): In this mode, you prioritize the relationship over the outcome.

It is used when the cost of winning the conflict is less than the value of maintaining a harmonious relationship.

A perfect example is choosing a movie with your partner: accommodating your preferences will strengthen the relationship and you will still have a good night.

Avoidance (non-assertive, non-cooperative): Sometimes, the best course of action is to avoid conflict altogether.

This style is useful when the situation is not important, but it can also be used as a temporary solution in two key cases.

Lack of preparation: If you are not ready to defend your position, avoiding the conflict allows you to be better prepared to come back later and find a solution that works for everyone.

High emotional tension: When emotions are running high, conflict could be dangerous.

Walking away until everyone calms down is the best way to maintain control and seek a rational solution at a more opportune time.

Compromise (moderately assertive and cooperative): Compromise is a middle ground in which both parties give up something.

It does not strengthen the relationship, but neither does it severely damage it.

It is a good option when the outcome and the relationship are important, but not enough to justify a great deal of effort.

Collaborate (assertive, cooperative): Considered the gold standard for achieving a win-win outcome, collaborative is the most difficult style to apply, as it requires a lot of time and effort.