Using [I-statements] and the X-Y-Z Model

To prevent conflict, it is essential to master communication techniques that allow you to express your feelings and needs without making the other person feel attacked.

"I-statements" are one of the most effective tools in this regard.

Instead of blaming or accusing, this approach allows you to speak from your own perspective, focusing on how a particular situation affected you.

For example, instead of saying "You ignore me when I talk," which sounds like a direct accusation, you can rephrase it as "Sometimes when I'm talking, I feel like you're not listening to me."

This simple modification shifts the focus from blame to your own feeling, which reduces the receiver's defensiveness and opens the door to productive dialogue.

A more structured version of this technique is the X-Y-Z model, which provides a roadmap for giving feedback constructively.

X (the behavior): Describes specific behavior without generalizing. For example, "When I saw you checking your phone during the meeting."

Y (the feeling): Explain how you felt when you saw that behavior. For example, "I felt frustrated".

Z (the need): End with the need that was not met, or how the behavior impacted you. For example, "because I thought you weren't paying attention to what we were saying and were missing important information for the project."

This model helps you be specific and focus on the behavior that can be changed, rather than judging the person's character.

Positive feedback also benefits from this technique.

For example, you can say, "Today, when you maintained eye contact during our conversation, I appreciated your engagement."

The X-Y-Z model helps to avoid harmful generalizations, to be specific, and to keep the dialogue direct and