Common Faults in Family Communication

Poor communication is a major source of conflict in the home.

Often, problems arise not from bad intent, but from systematic failures in the way we express ourselves and listen.

We think we have communicated, we use language that lends itself to misunderstanding, and we struggle to see things from the other person's perspective.

Recognizing and correcting these common mistakes is critical to building an environment of understanding and reducing unnecessary arguments.

The illusion that communication has taken place

The biggest obstacle in communication is the illusion that it took place successfully.

We often assume that the other person, whether it is our partner or our child, has understood perfectly what we meant, and they, in turn, assume that we have gotten their message.

We take it for granted that understanding is automatic, but this assumption is the root of countless conflicts.

This "illusion" leads to frustrations and arguments later, with phrases like "But why did you do it that way, if I told you clearly?".

The reality is that clarity is subjective. What is obvious to one is not obvious to the other.

To avoid this flaw, it is crucial to develop healthier communication habits, such as checking for understanding and not taking anything for granted.

The problem of subjective and ambiguous language ("behave yourself," "help me").

The use of subjective and ambiguous language is a guarantee of conflict, as it lends itself to endless interpretations.

Phrases like "fix your room" or "help me set the table" are extremely vague.

To you, "tidy up the room" may mean making the bed, putting away the clothes and tidying the books. To your child, it may simply mean getting a couple of things off the floor.

When you come back and see that your expectations were not met, conflict is inevitable.

The same goes for the command "behave yourself." What exactly does it mean? For the child, it may mean not hitting his sibling, but teasing him by taking his things away.

To avoid this, you have to be extremely specific. Instead of "behave yourself," say, "While we are in the waiting room, I want you to sit still and not yell."

Similarly, if your child says, "You don't understand me," instead of arguing, ask, "What do you need me to do to make you feel that I understand you?"

Clarity eliminates assumptions and prevents misunderstandings.

The inability to put yourself in the other person's shoes.

This failure to communicate can be summed up in one word: empathy, or lack thereof.

Being empathetic does not mean agreeing with the other person, but being able to see the situation from their perspective, feeling what they feel.

Many times we react to our children's behaviors without trying to understand the emotion behind them.

For example, if you deny your daughter permission to go to a party and she locks herself up crying, your first reaction may be anger at her "drama."

But if you put yourself in her shoes, you might understand that she had been looking forward to the event for weeks and that all her friends are going.

Understanding her sadness doesn't mean you should change your decision, but it allows you to validate it and say, "Daughter, I understand that you are so angry and sad.

Anyway, my answer is no for these reasons."

This simple validation can completely change the dynamics of the conflict, transforming a battle into a moment of emotional connection.

Summary

Poor communication is a major source of conflict in the home. The biggest obstacle is the illusion that communication has occurred.

We assume the other understood, but clarity is subjective. The use of ambiguous language such as "behave yourself" is a guarantee of conflict.

Another flaw is the inability to put oneself in the other's place, the lack of empathy. To be empathetic is not to agree, but to see from their perspective.