Identifying the Conflict Chain

Family conflicts, especially those that recur constantly, rarely arise spontaneously.

Rather, they follow a predictable sequence of actions and reactions, a kind of "conflict chain" that, link by link, inevitably leads to an explosion.

Learning to identify this chain is a powerful tool, as it makes us conscious observers of our own family dynamics.

By recognizing the patterns, we gain the ability to not only predict the outcome, but more importantly, to intervene and break the cycle before the bomb goes off.

Recognizing the links that lead to the explosion

Every conflict, without exception, begins with a first link, an initial trigger that sets off a series of chain reactions.

This first trigger is followed by another link (a response), then another (a counter-response), and so on, until the accumulated tension becomes unsustainable and the conflict explodes.

If you stop to analyze an argument that has already occurred, especially if it is a problem that is often repeated, you will be able to clearly observe this sequence.

By observing these patterns, you can learn to predict the course of the argument almost as if you were a fortune teller.

"When dad says that, mom reacts this way, and then the child does that...".

Recognizing these links allows you to identify the exact moment when you might act differently to change the outcome.

It is not a matter of guessing the future, but of understanding the pre-established script that your family unconsciously follows in its discussions.

Analysis of a case study: the morning conflict to get up

Let's look at a very common example to illustrate this chain: the daily battle to get a child up for school.

• First link: The parent calls the child to wake up calmly. The child does not get up.
• Second link: Parent calls again, perhaps with a slightly firmer tone. The child still does not move.
• Third link: A sibling is sent to wake the child. The result is the same: the child does not get up.
• Fourth link: The father/mother, now frustrated, calls again, but this time shouting.

Explosion: The child finally gets up, but it is already late. Breakfast is rushed, there is stress, shouting, complaining and anger.

The whole family's day begins with a negative charge. This cycle repeats itself every morning.

The key question when identifying this chain is: "Why do I keep doing the same thing if it doesn't work?".

The only way to get a different result is to dare to break one of the links and try a different strategy.

Summary

Repetitive family conflicts follow a predictable sequence, a "conflict chain." Learning to identify this chain makes us conscious observers.

Every conflict begins with an initial trigger that sets reactions in motion. If analyzed, the sequence can be observed until the conflict erupts.

In the morning conflict, the chain can be: calmly calling, calling back, shouting and the explosion. Recognizing it allows to change the strategy.