Psychological Barriers to Exercising Authority

Exercising authority effectively is not just about applying techniques or rules, but about overcoming internal barriers that can weaken the parenting role.

Two of the most significant psychological obstacles in modern parenting are guilt and confusion.

These feelings, often unconscious, can lead parents to relinquish their authority, generating a cycle of permissiveness and conflict that affects the harmony of the home.

Understanding how these barriers operate is the first step in regaining a healthy and loving leadership position.

Guilt as a bad advisor and its impact on overprotection

Guilt has become a constant shadow for many parents today, unlike previous generations who did not experience it with the same intensity.

It is a bad counselor because it is a very unpleasant emotion that unconsciously drives us to seek immediate compensation to alleviate the discomfort.

Parents feel guilty for a myriad of reasons, sometimes trivial: for not buying the desired toy, for denying permission or even for raising their voice after a tiring day.

To "wash away" that guilt, many parents fall into a pattern of harmful compensation.

They allow their children to disrespect them, buy them everything they demand, are unable to say "no" and allow themselves to be manipulated.

This behavior is the prelude to overprotection, which consists of giving the child everything on a silver platter and making life too easy for him or her, not out of genuine love, but as an attempt to assuage one's own guilt.

The real function of guilt is to point out something that we must review in our behavior, but once analyzed, we must let it go to prevent it from turning us into permissive parents without authority.

Generational confusion and doubt about the role of parents.

Another factor that undermines authority is the profound confusion experienced by today's parents.

We are a "transitional generation.

Our grandparents' parenting models, often rigid and authoritarian, are no longer fully adapted to the needs and values of today's society.

However, we have not yet consolidated new and clear models, so we are moving forward by trial and error, making successes and mistakes along the way.

This lack of a clear reference point leads us to doubt our own role and to question whether exercising authority is a good or bad thing.

We have gone from one extreme, where the norm was "it's done because I say so and that's it," to the opposite pendulum, where parents almost ask their children for permission.

Instead of a firm "you don't have permission," it is common to hear phrases like "Honey, I'd rather you didn't go."

This hesitation, born of confusion, conveys an inner weakness that children instantly sense, weakening the strength of any guidelines or boundaries that are attempted to be set.

Summary

Exercising authority involves overcoming internal barriers, not just applying techniques. The two most significant psychological obstacles in modern parenting are guilt and confusion, which undermine the parental role.

These feelings, often unconscious, cause parents to relinquish their authority. This generates a cycle of permissiveness and conflict that ends up affecting the harmony of the entire household.

Understanding how these two barriers operate is a critical first step. It allows parents to regain a leadership position that is healthy and loving in guiding their children.