The Repetitive Cycle of Unresolved Conflict

Conflicts in the family, especially those that are repeated over and over again, do not arise out of nowhere.

They usually follow a predictable pattern, a cycle that, if not interrupted, can escalate and damage relationships.

Identifying the phases of this cycle and recognizing recurring patterns in our discussions gives us the power to predict the trajectory of the conflict and, most importantly, to intervene before the situation explodes.

Being an observer of these dynamics is the first step in breaking destructive habits and finding new ways to interact.

Phases of the cycle: disagreement, escalation and outcome

Unresolved conflicts often follow a repetitive cycle that can be divided into several clear phases.

It all starts with an initial disagreement, a point of tension over a specific issue that creates friction between two or more people.

If this disagreement is not handled constructively, it enters the escalation phase, where emotions begin to escalate.

At this point, communication becomes more defensive, accusatory or even aggressive, and the original problem is often overshadowed by the power struggle.

The cycle culminates in a peak, which may manifest as an open fight, shouting, or a complete breakdown in communication, such as prolonged silence.

Finally, the denouement arrives.

If the conflict is properly managed, a resolution can be reached that restores communication.

However, if not truly resolved, the conflict simply subsides, leaving a trail of resentment and unprocessed emotions that set the stage for the cycle to repeat itself in the future.

Identifying recurring patterns in family arguments

Every conflict, without exception, has a sequence, a "chain" of actions and reactions that leads to the final explosion.

The first link is the initial trigger, followed by a series of predictable responses from each family member until the situation explodes.

If you observe carefully, especially conflicts that are repeated over the same issue, you will be able to identify this pattern.

By becoming an observer of your own family dynamics, you can begin to predict what will happen next.

"When I do this, he responds this way, and then I react this way."

For example, in the morning conflict to wake up a child, the chain can be: mom calls calmly, the child does not get up; mom calls again, the child still does not move; mom sends a sibling, no result; finally, mom yells and the child gets up, but it is already late and the day starts with stress and anger.

Recognizing this chain allows you to ask the key question: why do I keep doing the same thing if I know it doesn't work? Identifying the pattern is the first step to being able to change it and get a different result.

Summary

Conflicts that recur follow a predictable pattern. Identifying the phases of this cycle gives us the power to intervene.

The cycle begins with a disagreement, escalates to escalation, and culminates in an outcome. If unresolved, the conflict subsides, but leaves resentment.

Every conflict has a sequence of actions and reactions. Recognizing this chain allows you to change the pattern to obtain a different outcome.