Experiential Avoidance

Definition and vital costs of emotional escape

Experiential avoidance is defined as the unwillingness to stay in touch with particular private experiences (such as bodily sensations, emotions, thoughts, memories) and the attempt to alter the form or frequency of these events and the context that causes them. In simple terms, it is whatever we do to avoid feeling what we feel.

This can manifest in obvious ways, such as substance use, social isolation, or procrastination, but also in subtle ways, such as excessive rumination, constant distraction with the cell phone, or attempting to rationalize feelings.

Although avoidance often provides immediate relief from discomfort (if I don't go to the job interview, the anxiety disappears instantly), it carries a devastating long-term cost.

It works like a drug: the relief is brief, but the side effect is that life shrinks.

Every time we avoid a situation out of fear of discomfort, we confirm to our brain that the situation is dangerous and that we are incapable of dealing with it.

Over time, the "comfort zone" gets smaller and smaller, becoming a prison.

The person ends up sacrificing relationships, professional ambitions and vitality, not because he/she cannot achieve them, but because he/she is not willing to pay the "emotional price" of the discomfort they entail.

Functional discrimination: when avoidance is useful and when it is pathological

It is important to note that not all avoidance is pathological. If we see a car coming at full speed towards us, avoiding it by jumping to the curb is an adaptive behavior necessary for survival.

If we put our hand on a hot stove, removing it immediately is vital. In the physical world, avoiding harm is smart.

The problem arises when we apply this physical survival strategy to internal events that are not harmful in themselves, but merely unpleasant.

Anxiety doesn't burn your hand; sadness doesn't run you over. They are information, not life threats.

Therapy works on functional discrimination: helping the person to distinguish between real dangers that must be avoided and internal discomforts that must be accepted in order to move forward.

For example, avoiding talking to a stranger may seem safe in the short term because it avoids embarrassment, but in the long term it prevents meeting people and encourages loneliness.

If avoidance takes us away from our values and the person we want to be, then it is toxic.

If avoidance is life-saving or irrelevant to our values (such as avoiding a horror movie because we simply don't like the genre), then it is not problematic. The criterion is always functionality with respect to the life we want to live.

Summary

It is defined as the unwillingness to contact painful private experiences, leading the person to engage in behaviors to alter their frequency or form, even if it harms his or her life.

Although it provides immediate relief from discomfort, avoidance works like a drug with a devastating long-term cost, reducing the "comfort zone" and turning existence into a prison.

The therapy distinguishes between the physical avoidance necessary for survival and the pathological avoidance of internal events, which becomes toxic when it takes us away from our values and desired life.