The control trap

The ineffectiveness of control strategies in the internal world

One of the central pillars of this therapy is the identification and deactivation of what we call the "control agenda".

This agenda is based on the erroneous belief that we can and should control our thoughts and emotions in the same way that we control the physical world.

In our daily lives, the control rule works perfectly well for about 95% of our external problems: if a light bulb is blown, we change it; if there is dirt on the floor, we sweep it up; if we are cold, we turn on the heat.

This mechanical logic of "detect problem - apply solution - eliminate problem" is so effective on the outside that we automatically assume it must apply on the inside.

However, when we try to apply this rule to the remaining 5%, which corresponds to our psychological world, the mechanism fails miserably.

If we try to "eliminate" a painful memory or "turn off" anxiety as if it were a light bulb, we discover that we do not have access to such switches.

Unlike physical objects, internal events cannot be thrown away.

In fact, the deliberate attempt to suppress or control an unpleasant emotion often requires a constant focus on that same emotion, which paradoxically keeps it alive and intensifies it.

Therapy helps the client realize that control is not the solution to the problem, but that the attempt to control is the problem.

The rebound effect and the paradox of mental suppression

Behavioral science has repeatedly demonstrated the "rebound effect" of thought suppression.

To illustrate this, we can perform a simple experiment: try with all your might, for the next minute, not to think under any circumstances about a purple tiger.

If your goal is to eliminate that image from your mind, you must constantly monitor your thinking to make sure that the tiger is not there.

But to check that you are not thinking about the tiger, you have to evoke the image of the tiger.

The result is that you end up thinking about the purple tiger much more than if you had simply let your mind wander. This is the same with anxiety or sadness.

If a person says to himself, "I must not get nervous in this meeting," his brain starts scanning his body for signs of nervousness.

Upon detecting the slightest sign (a rapid heartbeat, sweating), the brain launches an alert: "Watch out, you're getting nervous, control it!".

This alert generates more anxiety, creating a positive feedback loop where the attempt to calm down causes more agitation.

Understanding this paradox is crucial: the more we try to expel demons from our mind, the bigger they become and the more space they take up in our life.

Summary

The control agenda is based on the mistaken belief that we can manage our thoughts and emotions using the same mechanical logic that we successfully apply to the external physical world.

However, this strategy fails miserably in the psychological realm, as internal events cannot be eliminated at will; attempting to suppress an emotion often paradoxically intensifies it.

This phenomenon, known as the rebound effect, demonstrates that the harder we try to expel or control mental discomfort, the larger and more present it becomes, feeding a loop of suffering.