Psychological and Verbal Violence

The Destructive Power of the Word and Unconscious Programming

Psychological violence constitutes the invisible foundation upon which any abusive relationship is built and sustained; rarely is there sustained physical violence without prior psychological conditioning to enable it.

This type of abuse is insidious because it directly attacks the victim's identity and self-perception, establishing itself in the unconscious.

It manifests itself through systematic degradation by means of language, which has an undeniable creative and destructive power.

When an authority or attachment figure uses pejorative epithets on a constant basis - such as calling the partner or children "incapable", "hindrance" or "retarded" - he or she is not issuing a momentary insult, but sowing a deep limiting belief.

The victim, especially if he or she is a minor, does not process this as anger at the aggressor, but as a truth about his or her own identity ("I am incapable"), which generates a self-fulfilling prophecy of failure and dependency.

In addition, there are forms of micro-violence and subtle treatment that erode dignity, such as emotional invalidation, hurtful sarcasm disguised as a "joke" or deliberate indifference.

A clear example is the "law of ice" or punitive silence, where the aggressor ignores the presence of the victim, denying her a greeting or a glance, making her feel invisible within her own home.

These behaviors nullify the other as a valid interlocutor, denying them their basic right to existence and expression.

The Invisible Harm: Hypervigilance and Dismantling of the Self

Unlike physical wounds, psychological damage does not show up on an x-ray, but its clinical sequelae are devastating, long-lasting, and often more difficult to heal.

The cumulative impact of emotional violence generates in the victim a state of constant hypervigilance, known colloquially as "walking on eggshells."

The person lives permanently scanning the aggressor's state of mind to anticipate and avoid possible triggers, which causes adrenal exhaustion and severe cognitive impairment due to chronic stress.

Clinically, this results in generalized anxiety, major depression, post-traumatic stress disorder and, fundamentally, learned helplessness.

There is a total loss of self-identity or dismantling of the "I": the victim ceases to know who he/she is, what he/she likes, what he/she thinks or what he/she wants, becoming a mere extension of the aggressor's needs and whims.

Verbal aggression thus acts as a mechanism of personality annulment, where the victim internalizes the critical voice of the aggressor to the point of making it his own.

This state of mental confusion and annulment is what makes it so difficult to make autonomous decisions, such as leaving the relationship, since the victim has been programmed to believe that she cannot survive without her abuser.

Summary

This modality constitutes the invisible foundation of the abusive relationship, instilling limiting beliefs through language. The abuser uses verbal degradation and punitive silence ("law of ice") to nullify the victim's existence and validation.

The cumulative damage generates a clinical state of constant hypervigilance. The victim lives scanning the aggressor's mood to avoid triggers, resulting in profound exhaustion and severe cognitive impairment due to chronic stress.

Finally, the dismantling of the "I" occurs. The victim loses his or her identity and capacity for autonomous decision making, internalizing the critical voice of the aggressor. This annulment of the personality is what makes it very difficult to break the bond.