Rupture and Extreme Risk

The Myth of "If it were so bad, he would leave" and Escalation.

The social question "Why doesn't he leave?" ignores a lethal statistical reality: the moment of separation or denunciation is the moment of highest risk of homicide or femicide.

The aggressor, whose main objective is control, upon feeling that he loses his "property", escalates violence to extreme levels to reestablish dominance or destroy what he cannot possess.

The decision to report is a double-edged sword: it activates state protection, but also detonates the victimizer's fury.

Many victims do not leave because they make an accurate and intuitive risk assessment: they know that attempting to flee may be their death sentence if they do not have a robust safety plan.

Induced economic dependency and lack of resources act as formidable barriers.

Therefore, the expert advice should never be to push for a hasty exit ("give it up already"), but to empower the victim to plan a strategic and safe escape, understanding that the justice system often lacks the speed to protect her at the critical moment of breakdown.

Hoovering and the Post-Separation Cycle

Abuse dynamics rarely end with physical separation. The abuser often initiates the Hoovering technique to suck the victim back into the relationship.

They use intense emotional manipulation tactics, such as manufactured crises ("I'm sick," "I'm going to kill myself without you"), promises of radical change, or the use of children as bait.

Because the victim is going through withdrawal from the traumatic bond and is often financially precarious or lonely, she is extremely vulnerable to these tactics.

Statistics indicate that a victim attempts to leave an average of seven times before finally succeeding.

As professionals, we must normalize these relapses as part of the detoxification and recovery process, avoiding judgment of the victim, and keeping the doors open for when she is ready for the final attempt.

Summary

Statistically, the moment of separation or denunciation is the time of highest risk of homicide. Feeling that he loses his "property," the batterer escalates violence to lethal levels to reestablish dominance or destroy the victim.

Many victims do not flee because of an accurate assessment of danger, knowing that without a robust plan their life is at risk. Professional advice should focus on planning a strategic and safe exit, not on pushing for a hasty escape.

After physical separation, the offender often applies "Hoovering" to suck the victim back in. They use manufactured crises or promises of change to exploit the emotional vulnerability and withdrawal syndrome of the traumatic bond.