Stonewalling and Ghosting

Stonewalling: Refusal to Communicate as Punishment

Stonewalling occurs when the offender suddenly withdraws from the interaction, refusing to answer questions, averting his or her gaze, or physically leaving the space during a discussion, acting as if the victim does not exist.

Unlike a person who calls a healthy "time-out" to calm down and then resumes the dialogue, stonewalling in the abusive context is punitive, manipulative and seeks to override the other.

Its goal is to provoke a state of despair, confusion and anxiety in the victim, who often ends up humiliating themselves and asking for forgiveness for things they did not do, only to reestablish the emotional connection and cease the punishment.

Physiologically, being deliberately ignored by an attachment figure is devastating; it activates the same brain areas that register physical pain and elevates cortisol levels, generating severe emotional dysregulation.

This tactic sends the implicit message that the victim is insignificant and that his or her emotional well-being depends entirely on the perpetrator's willingness to acknowledge his or her existence.

Ghosting and Emotional Abandonment

Ghosting, although traditionally associated with casual dating, is a tool of extreme cruelty when used in established domestic relationships to exert power.

It involves disappearing without explanation, either physically (leaving home without notice) or emotionally (being present in body but absent in spirit, denying any intimacy), leaving the victim in a limbo of absolute uncertainty.

In the context of abuse, it is often used as a temporary or permanent "dumping" technique to destabilize the partner.

By denying closure or a logical explanation, the abuser retains ultimate power over the relationship narrative.

The victim is trapped in a ruminative cycle of "what did I do wrong?" preventing her from processing grief and moving forward.

Frequently, this tactic is combined with Benching (keeping the victim "on the bench" as a backup) or serves as a preamble to Hoovering (vacuuming), where the aggressor reappears some time later as if nothing happened, taking advantage of the fact that the victim has been "frozen" in time awaiting resolution.

Summary

Stonewalling involves suddenly withdrawing from communication to punish and invalidate the other. This punitive tactic causes severe anguish and real physical pain in the victim, who ends up humiliating himself or herself in order to reestablish the interrupted emotional connection.

Ghosting in established relationships is a tool of extreme cruelty. The aggressor disappears physically or emotionally without explanation, denying the necessary closure and leaving the partner in a limbo of absolute uncertainty.

These abandonment strategies prevent the processing of grief and maintain the power of the abuser. They frequently serve as a preamble to reappear some time later, taking advantage of the fact that the victim has been left frozen waiting for a logical resolution to the breakup.