Vicarious Violence: The Final Blow

Definition and Mechanics: "Hit you where it hurts the most".

Vicarious Violence represents the most cruel, refined and devastating expression of machismo and coercive control.

It is technically defined as that violence that is exercised on sons and daughters with the sole and exclusive objective of harming the mother.

In this dynamic, the aggressor objectifies the children, stripping them of their status as subjects of rights in order to use them as mere instruments of torture or "pawns" in his war against women.

Unlike direct child abuse, where the harm to the child is the end in itself, here the harm to the child is the "means" to psychically destroy the mother, often occurring after physical separation, when the aggressor has lost direct access to his ex-partner.

The intentionality of this violence is summarized in lapidary threats such as "I will take them away from you", "you will never see them again" or the most terrifying sentence: "I will hit you where it hurts the most".

The objective is not only to cause pain, but to ensure the "civil" and emotional death of the woman, keeping her in a state of perpetual suffering through the physical harm or death of her children.

It is vital to understand that this is not an impulsive act or a "fit of madness"; it is a coldly planned and executed revenge to perpetuate control and domination beyond the breakdown of the relationship.

The aggressor knows that hitting the mother may have direct criminal consequences, but harming the children guarantees an irreversible and lifelong psychological impact on her.

Indicators of Risk and the "Good Father" Fallacy

Vicarious risk screening is critical to filicide prevention, as statistically vicarious murders frequently occur during post-divorce visitation, taking advantage of times of legal access.

Warning indicators include a sudden change in interest in the children: a parent who during cohabitation never provided basic care or showed affection, but who suddenly demands shared or full custody after the divorce suit, does so not out of paternal love, but as a control strategy.

Other signs include the use of exchange moments (drop-off and pick-up of children) to insult, threaten or destabilize the mother, and the exhaustive interrogation of the children about the mother's private life (who she goes out with, what she does), turning them into unwitting spies.

An indicator of very high lethal risk is when the aggressor verbalizes phrases such as "the children are better off dead than with you" or shows a disturbing and disconnected calm after a period of much visible anger.

The forensic expert must start from the premise that a batterer of women cannot be a good father; gender-based violence and responsible parenting are inherently incompatible.

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