The Life Task: Developing Autonomy

The preschool stage, which runs from approximately two to five years of age, is a crucial period in a child's development, marked by a fundamental life task: the conquest of autonomy.

It is at this stage that the child begins to perceive himself as an individual separate from his mother and begins to explore his ability to influence the world around him.

This process, although often challenging for parents, is a natural and necessary part of the development of a healthy personality.

Understanding the mechanisms the child uses to achieve this independence is key to accompanying the child in a respectful and effective manner.

From symbiotic bonding to individuation

At birth, a baby lives in a state of symbiosis with its mother.

He is not aware of being a separate individual; he feels like an extension of her, a continuation of the unity he experienced in the womb.

This sense of being "one" with the mother is the basis of his initial security. However, as the months pass, a gradual process of individuation begins.

The child begins to position itself as a separate being, and it is here that the task of developing autonomy takes center stage.

This is a giant step in their psychological development, which will allow them to build their own identity and learn to function in the world on their own.

Supporting this process, rather than hindering it, is essential so that he can move on to the next stages of his life with a secure foundation and a functional personality.

The role of the "transitional object" (blanket, cuddly toy, finger) in this process

To navigate the complex transition from symbiosis to autonomy, the child often chooses a "transitional object".

This can be a washcloth, a stuffed animal, a blanket or even his own finger.

This object becomes an indispensable companion that provides comfort and security, especially at bedtime or in times of anxiety.

It is a serious mistake to consider this attachment as a "habit" and to try to take it away from the child by force.

The transitional object is not a bad habit; it is a necessary psychological tool that serves as a bridge for the child to become independent from the mother.

If allowed to live this stage fully, the child will give up the object on his own when he is ready, without much trouble.

Forcing him to give it up prematurely can not only be traumatic, but often generates an even stronger and pathological attachment, as the child clings to his only source of security in the face of prohibition.

Summary

The preschool stage, from two to five years of age, is crucial for the conquest of autonomy. The child begins to perceive himself as a separate individual.

At birth, the baby lives in a state of symbiosis with its mother. Then, he begins a gradual process of individuation to build his own identity.

The "transitional object" (blanket, stuffed animal) provides comfort and security. It is a necessary psychological tool; forcing him to give it up can be traumatic.