Manage criticism with maturity

Not all criticism is the same: some is constructive, some is emotional, and some is simply manipulative.

Learning to differentiate between them is crucial for your personal and professional growth, as it allows you to filter information, separate content from tone and avoid defensiveness, which helps you grow without allowing mistreatment.

Types of criticism and how to identify them

Criticism usually hurts because we perceive it as a judgment of our worth, rather than our behavior.

In addition, it often activates fears or wounds from the past. However, not all criticism has the same intention. It is vital that you learn to distinguish between them:

Constructive Criticism: this criticism has a good intention and focuses on your behavior, not your person.

It offers concrete suggestions for improving a specific aspect, e.g., "Your presentation was clear, but you could work on the conclusion to make it more impactful."

Emotional Criticism: It comes from the reactivity or emotional state of the person who emits it, and reflects more his or her frustration than the reality of the situation.

An example is "this is a disaster, you never do anything right".

Manipulative or Toxic Criticism: Its objective is not to help you, but to control, humiliate or weaken you.

It seeks to generate guilt and insecurity to gain power, as in the phrase "I knew you were going to fail, you always fail".

Strategies to respond without feeling attacked

To handle criticism with maturity and protect your self-esteem, you can apply the following strategies:

Pause and breathe: Before responding, pause for a few seconds.

This brief pause between the stimulus and your response gives you the power to make a conscious choice instead of reacting impulsively.

Filter the criticism: Ask yourself if the person criticizing you wants to help you or bring you down.

Is there any truth in what it says? Can you use that information to improve? If the criticism is helpful, accept it; if it is not, let it go without giving it more energy.

Separate content from tone: Sometimes, the message may be valuable, but the way it's said to you is hurtful. Don't dismiss the message just because of a bad "wrapper."

You can say, "I understand what you're saying, although I would ask you to reframe it" to grow without allowing mistreatment.

Don't get defensive: Justifying yourself impulsively gives power to the one who criticizes you. Instead, respond with open-ended phrases like "thanks for the comment, I'll keep it in mind."

If the criticism is malicious, set firm boundaries without stooping to a personal attack.

Remember your value: Your valu