Uncommunicated expectations as a source of conflict

The invisible nature of expectations

Expectations are beliefs or assumptions a person has about how things should be in the future.

When these expectations are not met, frustration, anger and, ultimately, conflict arise.

The big problem is that, in most cases, these expectations have not been clearly communicated; they simply exist in a person's mind.

People are not fortune tellers and should not assume that others understand what we expect of them.

When this happens, people may feel that they are being failed or not valued, when the other party did not even know what was expected of them. Problematic expectations can be classified into three types:

Uncommunicated or miscommunicated: these are those we take for granted but never express, such as expecting a colleague to help you without having asked.

Unrealistic: They are based on idealizations and desires, not on concrete facts, such as expecting someone to change their personality or that everything will always be perfect.

Rigid: They leave no room for error or change, making any variation perceived as a threat.

From assumption to clarity: strategies to prevent conflict

The key to preventing these conflicts is learning to manage your expectations and those of others through proactive communication.

Instead of assuming that others know what you expect, it is your responsibility to communicate it clearly and respectfully.

For example, instead of saying, [I would like to receive regular project updates,] you can say, [It would be helpful to receive a project update every Friday at 3 p.m. to keep us informed.]

In addition to communicating your own expectations, it is critical that you listen to the expectations of others.

You can ask them directly, [What do you expect from this job or this relationship?]

This will give you valuable information about their needs and help you avoid misunderstandings.

Once both parties have communicated their expectations, it is possible to negotiate and adjust them so that they are realistic and mutually acceptable.

It is not about imposing, but inviting a win-win agreement.

Accepting that some things will not work out as you expect, even after agreement, is part of life.

The goal is to have the emotional flexibility to learn from the experience and adjust your expectations in the future.

Summary

Expectations are beliefs about how things should be, and when they are not met, conflict arises. The problem is that, in most cases, these expectations are never clearly communicated.

People are not fortune tellers; we cannot assume that others understand what we expect from them. When this happens, we feel we are being failed, when the other party didn't even know what was expected.

These problematic expectations may be uncommunicated, unrealistic, or overly rigid. The key to preventing conflict is learning to manage them through proactive communication, rather than operating under silent assumptions.