Circle of Control and Preoccupation

Influence and control model

To manage mental energy efficiently, it is vital to categorize our problems according to the control model.

We can divide our reality into three areas: what we directly control (our thoughts and actions), what we can influence (our reputation, relationships) and what is totally beyond our control (traffic, the economy, other people's opinions).

The suffering of the impostor is often born of trying to operate in the third category: we try to control the uncontrollable.

Just as it would be absurd to get angry at the weather, it is useless to get anxious about external variables.

Understanding this distinction allows us to reallocate mental resources: we stop fighting external reality and start managing our internal response.

Freedom from external validation

A critical application of this model is managing the opinion of others. Self-doubters often fall into the trap of wanting to control how they are perceived in order to avoid criticism.

However, trying to manipulate the perception of others so that it is always favorable is a losing battle in advance; it turns an outcome over which we have only partial influence into a rigid expectation. This need for external control acts as a self-imposed punishment.

By tying our well-being to third-party validation, we surrender our power.

Liberation comes in accepting that we cannot control whether everyone likes us or whether someone misjudges us.

By letting go of that need to control, paradoxically, our authenticity and performance often improve, increasing our real influence.

Focus on self-action

The operative conclusion of this model is a return to the "circle of control." We only have real sovereignty over our decisions, words and attitudes.

Instead of worrying about whether we will be found out (out of control), we can concern ourselves with preparing well, being honest about what we know and what we don't, and acting with integrity (under control).

We can choose not to be "yes" people who say "yes" to everything out of fear, we can choose to set boundaries, and we can choose to face new challenges one step at a time.

By focusing attention on one's own behavior and will, we reduce free-floating anxiety and regain agency over our career and emotional well-being, moving from being victims of circumstances to being the protagonists of our responses.

Summary

To effectively manage our mental energy, we must distinguish between what we directly control, what we can influence and what is totally beyond our control, focusing only on the former.

Attempting to manipulate others' perceptions for validation is a losing battle that gives away our personal power; liberation comes from accepting that we cannot control whether everyone likes us or not.

Returning to the "circle of control" involves addressing our own readiness, integrity and behavior, thus reducing free-floating anxiety by ceasing to futilely fight unmanageable external circumstances.