Self-esteem development

Becoming one's own validator: positive self-talk

Self-esteem is not a static trait, but a dynamic practice. An essential defense technique is to modify the way we talk to ourselves.

Often, we are our own harshest judges, which weakens our internal structure and makes the manipulator's job easier.

To counteract this, it is necessary to become one's own "cheerleader," adopting a kind and compassionate inner dialogue, similar to that which one would have with a dear friend going through difficulties.

This involves embracing one's own reality, even in dark moments or after making mistakes, without falling into self-punishment.

If a person does not build his or her own source of internal validation, he or she will inevitably go looking for it from external sources.

Herein lies a deadly trap: seeking strength or approval from others hands over emotional control to third parties who have their own interests and agendas.

By relying on external validation, a crack is opened in the defensive wall through which the manipulator slips through, offering praise calculated to generate dependency.

Avoiding comparison and taking care of the social environment

Another critical factor in the erosion of self-esteem is the habit of comparison. Manipulators are experts at detecting desire and envy; when they see a person constantly comparing themselves to others, they use that insecurity to control, promising access to what the victim longs to have.

Living life based on the achievements of others blinds a person to his or her own values and makes him or her easy prey to deception based on status or appearance.

Finally, building self-esteem requires rigorous management of the social environment. The company we keep directly affects our self-perception.

To defend oneself, it is imperative to stay away from people who are chronically negative, critical or who generate unexplained nervousness, as they act as "vampires" of confidence.

In addition, physical actions such as regular exercise have been shown to increase a sense of competence and control over one's li