Discovery metaphors

The clothes fitting room or free buffet metaphor

Discovering values is not a purely intellectual process of sitting and thinking; it is an empirical process of trying and feeling.

Often, people don't know if a value is really theirs until they try to live it. To illustrate this, we use the metaphor of the fitting room.

You may see a jacket on a hanger (a theoretical value, like "being adventurous") and think it will fit you, but you won't know until you try it on and look in the mirror.

Similarly, we encourage clients to "try on" values. "During this week, you're going to try on the value of 'assertiveness.' You are going to act as if assertiveness is the most important thing to you.

At the end of the week, we'll see how the suit fit you." Sometimes, in trying on a value, a person discovers that it is tight, feels false, or was simply a romantic idea that doesn't fit their reality.

Other times, he or she discovers that it fits like a glove and gives him or her unexpected energy.

You can also use the image of a free buffet: faced with a table full of unfamiliar dishes, the only way to know what you like is to take small portions, taste them on your palate and decide.

You can't decide your values just by reading the menu; you have to savor the experience of living by them to confirm whether they really nourish you.

The metaphor of the treasure hunt or gathering

Another useful metaphor for the clarification process is that of gathering in a natural setting, such as looking for shells on the beach or searching for rare minerals on a mountain.

Values are not usually on the surface, visible and shiny; they are often covered by layers of habits, fears, and social mandates (the "dirt").

The therapeutic process is like an excavation or an attentive search. It requires patience, getting your hands dirty and looking carefully.

The important thing about this metaphor is the attitude: you search with persistence and intention, but when you find something, you hold it gently.

If you find a precious shell (a value) and you squeeze it too hard with your fist (become rigidly obsessed with it), you will break it.

If you find the value of "justice" and become rigid and fanatical about it, it ceases to be a value that enriches your life and becomes a rule that embitters you.

The instruction is: "Actively seek your values, stir the sand, but when you find them, hold them g