Values and flexibility

Adapting values in the face of capacity losses

A litmus test for the distinction between values and goals is adversity that prevents the execution of habitual behaviors.

What happens when a life circumstance (illness, layoff, economic crisis) prevents us from pursuing our traditional goals? If a person's identity is based only on his or her goals ("I am a surgeon"), a hand injury that prevents him or her from operating will destroy his or her life.

However, if that person connects with the values underlying his profession (e.g., "help others heal" or "apply precise knowledge to solve problems"), he will discover that those values are flexible and can be poured into new molds.

The former surgeon might find a way to live the value of "helping to heal" through teaching, medical research, or even volunteering to accompany patients.

Courage is like water: it has no shape of its own, but fits into any container.

If the pitcher breaks (the surgical career), we can pour the water into a glass (teaching).

Psychological flexibility lies in this ability to transpose what matters to us into new forms of action when the old forms are no longer viable.

This prevents pathological grief and stagnation in the face of major life changes.

Opportunity cost and value conflict

Working with values involves accepting a harsh economic reality: we cannot have it all at once.

Every time we choose to act in the direction of one value, we are investing finite resources (time and life) and, therefore, we are failing to invest in another potential value. This is known as the "opportunity cost".

Choosing to spend the weekend finishing an exciting project (creativity/achievement value) comes at the cost of not spending that time resting or with friends (self-care/connection value).

Many people are paralyzed by this choice because they want a perfect solution where no value is sacrificed. Psychological flexibility involves accepting the discomfort that comes with choice.

It involves saying "Yes" to one thing and consciously saying "No" to something else valuable, taking on the pain of that relinquishment.

If we do not accept this cost, we try to do everything half-heartedly, resulting in a diluted life where we are neither present at work nor present with friends.

Clarifying values helps to make these difficult decisions with conviction, knowing that we are choosing what is most vital to us in this specific chapter of our life