The importance of an accurate and honest self-assessment

The Foundation of All Growth

The journey toward developing emotional intelligence, and indeed, toward any form of personal growth, must begin with an act of courage: an accurate and honest self-assessment.

It is impossible to draw a map to a new destination if we don't know exactly where we are starting from.

However, seeing ourselves clearly is one of the most difficult tasks, since our perception is often colored by biases and defense mechanisms.

The Two Extremes of Self-Deception

Generally, we fall into two opposite traps. On the one hand, there's the complacency bias or blind optimism.

In this state, we tend to overestimate our strengths and minimize or completely ignore our weaknesses.

We tell ourselves a flattering story that, while it may protect our ego in the short term, blinds us to the crucial areas where we need to improve, stagnating our progress.

On the other hand, we find the abyss of destructive self-criticism. Here, the pendulum swings to the opposite extreme.

We focus exclusively on our flaws, magnify our mistakes, and judge ourselves with a harshness we would never apply to a friend.

This pessimistic view robs us of confidence and motivation, paralyzing us in a cycle of self-reproach.

The Seesaw Metaphor. Finding Balance

Effective self-assessment is like finding the balance point on a seesaw.

It’s not about leaning to one side or the other, but about staying centered, at the point of objective reality.

It requires the skill of observing our patterns, emotions, and behaviors unvarnished, with a gaze that is both clear and compassionate.

It involves recognizing our talents without arrogance and embracing our areas for improvement without shame.

This kind of radical honesty can be uncomfortable, but it’s absolutely indispensable.

Only when we dare to see the truth of who we are right now, with all our lights and shadows, can we begin to work intelligently and effectively to become the person we aspire to be.