The Importance of Consistency and the Testing Stage

Implementing a written agreement and consequence system is a great first step, but its success or failure depends entirely on one factor: consistency.

Once the new rules have been established, the child will almost certainly test them to see if they are "for real."

This "testing stage" is a critical time when parental firmness and consistency are key to cementing the new system and demonstrating that the household rules are taken seriously.

Why it is crucial to always follow through with established consequences

The golden rule for this system to work is to always apply the consequence, without a single exception, every time an agreement is broken.

If the consequence is applied only "sometimes," the system will not only fail, it will reinforce the negative behavior it is intended to correct.

When a child breaks a rule and sometimes the consequence is applied and sometimes it is not, he learns that disobeying is like playing a slot machine: most of the time nothing happens, but every once in a while, he "hits the jackpot" of getting away with it.

This intermittency is extremely powerful in reinforcing a behavior.

Therefore, inconsistency teaches the child to keep trying, hoping that this time there will be no consequences.

The only way to defuse this pattern is for the consequence to be an absolute certainty, not a possibility.

How to handle the "testing stage" in which the child challenges the new system.

It is very likely that, once the system is introduced, your child will test you to see if you are serious.

This phase should not be interpreted as an act of malice, but as a natural need for the child to understand the new boundaries and know what to expect.

This stage can last from one to three weeks, and your role is to stand firm. During this period, the child may challenge the consequence directly.

For example, if the consequence for not doing homework before watching TV is to turn it off, he may defiantly turn it back on.

Your response should not be to yell or get into an argument.

You should simply act calmly and firmly, escalating if necessary: unplug the TV, put away the remote control or, in an extreme case, move the TV to your room and lock it. The child must understand that your decision is immovable.

It is crucial not to fall into the trap of pleading or lecturing. The agreement has been explained. Now it's just a matter of applying the consequence quietly and with determination.

Some children, as a challenge tactic, may react with "I don't care." Don't be fooled; of course they care.

Stay the course, apply the consequence and, in time, consistency will pay off.

Summary

The success of the agreement and consequence system depends entirely on consistency. It is crucial to always follow through with the stated consequences, without a single exception.

If the consequence is applied only "sometimes," the system will not only fail. Inconsistency reinforces negative behavior, teaching the child to keep trying.

The child will almost certainly test the new system. Your role is to stand firm, without yelling, and apply the consequence quietly.