Elimination of barriers and fear

The Fearless Hypothetical Reality Technique

It is extremely common for people to not know what they want because fear is so intense that they do not even allow themselves to desire.

Fear acts as a prior censorship: "I can't want to be an artist because I would starve to death", "I can't want intimacy because I panic about rejection".

To discover the values hidden behind these walls of fear, we use "hypothetical reality" exercises or the metaphor of the magic wand.

The goal is to artificially remove the emotional barrier to see what lies underneath.

The therapist might pose, "Imagine I have a magic pill that permanently removes all traces of anxiety, shame or doubt from your body.

If you took this pill and knew with absolute certainty that you could not feel fear, what would you do with your life? What projects would you start tomorrow? Who would you call? How would you conduct yourself at work?"

By removing the fear equation, the answers often point directly to values.

If the person says, "If I wasn't afraid, I would write a novel and publish it," we have uncovered a value of creativity and expression.

If he or she says, "I would ask that person out," we have uncovered a value of connection and intimacy.

Once the values have been identified, the therapeutic work is to pursue them, no longer waiting for the fear to go away (for the pill does not exist), but learning to carry the fear in the passenger seat while driving toward those valued destinations.

The exercise of anonymous action to filter social approval

Another major contaminant of authentic values is social desirability or "pliance" (compliance with rules to gain approval).

Many people pursue goals not because they intrinsically care, but because they want to be admired, respected or want to avoid criticism.

To distill genuine values from the need for applause, we use the "secrecy exercise."

This involves proposing a scenario or a real task where the valuable action must be performed in total anonymity, without anyone ever finding out who the author was.

For example, we could ask: "If you could donate a large sum to a charitable cause, or create an anonymous work of art that would help thousands of people, but on the strict condition that no one, ever, knew it was you, not even your family, would you do it? Would you feel satisfaction just for the fact that you did it?".

If the answer is yes, we are dealing with a pure value (solidarity, contribution). If the person feels that "it would be meaningless" if he or she did not receive recognition, then perhaps the primary motivation was status or admiration, not the value itself.

In clinical practice, one can prescribe as homework to per