Exploration of vital areas

Systematic mapping of life domains

Sometimes, the straightforward question "what are your values?" is too abstract and paralyzing.

To facilitate discovery, it is helpful to divide life into more manageable parcels and explore each one separately.

We don't have to have the same values in all areas; in fact, it is healthy for them to vary.

We use a domain review approach, examining areas such as: intimate relationships, family, friendships, work/career, education/personal development, leisure, spirituality, citizenship/community, and physical health.

For each area, the inquiry focuses not on what is to be achieved (goals), but on the quality of the interaction.

In the work area, we do not ask "Do you want to be a boss?", but "What kind of worker do you want to be? What qualities do you want to bring to your team or your clients? Do you want to be diligent, innovative, compassionate, meticulous?".

In the area of relationships, we ask, "What kind of friend do you want to be when your friend has a problem? What kind of partner do you want to be in the midst of conflict?"

This systematic mapping helps the person see where there are gaps (neglected areas) and where there is congruence.

Often, a person discovers that he or she highly values "connection" in the family, but behaves coldly at work, or vice versa.

This analysis makes it possible to design small improvement actions in each quadrant to increase the overall sense of life coherence.

Identification of flow activities (Flow) as a compass

An infallible clue to locate values is to pay attention to moments of "flow" or total absorption.

The state of flow occurs when we are so immersed in an activity that we lose track of time and self-consciousness; the "critical observing self" disappears and only pure action remains.

These moments usually indicate that we are touching an important value. The therapist acts as a detective, asking the client to recall the last times he or she felt this way.

Imagine a client saying, "The other day I was repairing an old bicycle in the garage. I spent four hours sanding, adjusting brakes and greasing the chain. I didn't even look at my cell phone. I felt at peace." There's gold here.

We can probe, "What was it about that activity that grabbed you? Was it the act of fixing a mechanical problem? Was it the manual labor and precision? Was it restoring usefulness to something broken?"

If the answer is precision and caring, we have found values of "mastery" and "caring" that perhaps the person can export