The 6 human emotional needs (part 1)

The Invisible Forces That Guide Our Behavior

To develop deep and accurate empathy, it's critical to understand the underlying motivations that drive human behavior.

One powerful model posits that all human beings, regardless of our culture or background, share six basic emotional needs.

The first four are known as personality needs, and they're the ones we must meet to feel a modicum of stability and well-being in our lives.

We constantly seek to have them met, whether constructively or destructively.

Security and Variety. The Dance of Opposites

The first fundamental need is the need for Security or Certainty.

It is our longing to feel safe, stable, comfortable, and in control of our environment.

This need drives us to seek routines, plan for the future, and avoid pain and stress.

A person with a high need for security will value predictability and stability above all else.

Paradoxically, the second need is its direct opposite: Variety or Uncertainty.

It is our desire for change, novelty, challenge, surprise, and adventure.

If everything were completely certain and predictable, we would be bored to death.

This need drives us to seek out new experiences, to learn new things, and to step outside our comfort zone.

Emotionally healthy living involves a dynamic balance between these two opposing needs.

Meaningfulness and Love. The Quest for Value and Connection

The third need is for Significance or Meaning.

We all need to feel that our lives matter, that we are unique, special, and have a purpose.

This need can lead us to seek success, to excel in our field, to gain recognition, or, in its negative form, to seek attention through destructive behaviors.

The fourth need, which often conflicts with Significance, is Love and Connection.

This is the universal longing to feel a part of something, to give and receive affection, to belong to a community, family, or partner.

While Significance often drives us to separate ourselves from the group in order to stand out, Love drives us to join in.

Understanding how a person prioritizes and tries to satisfy these four needs gives us a key to understanding their motivations and behaviors with deep empathy.