Comparison and Competition

The neurological trap of comparison

Our brains have an inherent negative bias: they tend to give more weight to negative experiences than to positive ones. In the social realm, this translates into the habit of "compare and despair."

We look at the polished and successful exterior of others and compare it to our own inner self full of doubts and struggles, an equation in which we always lose out. This mechanism is unfair and distorted.

We can have ten positive interactions in a day, but we will obsess over the one person who seems to do better than us in just one area.

Understanding that our brain is programmed to detect the "threat" of competition allows us to question the validity of these comparisons.

Often, we idealize others ("everyone knows better than me"), generalizing their virtues and ignoring our own struggles, which feeds our sense of inadequacy without any real basis.

From rivalry to mentoring

A powerful way to defuse professional envy or intimidation is to change the narrative about our "competitors."

If there is someone to whom you chronically compare yourself, instead of seeing them as a threat that highlights your shortcomings, try reframing them as a source of inspiration or a potential mentor.

Ask yourself what specific qualities you admire in that person and how you could learn from them.

This "growth mindset" approach transforms the passive and painful energy of comparison into an active and productive curiosity.

You can even get closer to that person and cultivate a relationship; by sharing vulnerabilities, we often discover that they too have their own insecurities, humanizing the idol and breaking the myth of their unattainable perfection.

Deactivating the imaginary marker

Many people operate with an internal mental "scoreboard," keeping track of wins and losses in an imaginary competition against the world.

They count every own mistake as a point against them and every other person's success as a personal loss.

This habit of scoreboarding is destructive because there is no objective judge; the referee is our biased inner critic. The strategy for healing is to stop keeping score.

We must focus on our own lane, recognizing that another's success does not diminish our own.

If we must keep