Major Fears During Adolescence

My teenage child has asked me to make a doctor’s appointment to get birth control—how do I handle this without judging them?

What to understand: This is a parenting success! It means they trust you and are taking great responsibility for their sexual and reproductive health.

What to do: Acknowledge their responsibility. Even if you feel a bit overwhelmed inside realizing they’ve grown up, your outward reaction should be one of unconditional support.

What to say: “I’m so glad you’re being responsible and that you trust me with this. I’ll make the appointment for you or go with you to the health clinic.” Once there, give them complete privacy alone with the healthcare provider.

At what age “should” they start having sex, and how do I know if they’re ready?

What to understand: There is no “right” chronological age. Readiness is a matter of emotional maturity, not birthdays.

How to assess it (internally): They’re ready when they’re able to:

• Understand and communicate a clear “no.”
• Handle peer or partner pressure.
• Understand the physical (pregnancy, STIs) and emotional consequences.
• Manage birth control methods independently.

Your role: Instead of trying to set a specific date, make sure you’ve equipped your child with the tools (self-esteem, information, values) to make the right decision on their own.

Their partner is coming over—should I let them lock themselves in the bedroom or let them sleep over together?

What to understand: Denying them space at home often leads them to seek out less safe places (cars, open fields, parks). However, it’s your home, and your boundaries matter too.

What to do: Negotiate. Adolescence requires reaching agreements.

What to say/agree on: Set ground rules that make everyone feel comfortable.

It could be: “You can be in your room with the door closed, but the rule in this house is that, for now, you sleep separately at night,” or “I’m okay with him staying over, but I want to make sure you both understand how to protect yourselves.”

It will depend on family values and age, but the key is dialogue, not authoritarian im