Unexpected Situations in Infancy and Childhood

“What should I do if I find my child touching their genitals in the living room or in front of guests?”

What to Understand: In early childhood, touching one’s genitals is a form of self-exploration and discovery, just like touching one’s ear. It has no adult erotic connotation; it is simply a sensitive area that produces a sense of well-being.

What to Do: Don’t be shocked, don’t scold them, and don’t abruptly pull their hands away (this creates guilt).

What to say: Gently redirect the behavior to a private setting.

You can say: “I understand that you like to touch yourself because it feels good, but remember that we only touch our private parts when we’re alone in our room or in the bathroom.”

If there are visitors, simply distract them by offering a toy or taking them to another room without making a big deal out of it.

My partner and I were caught having sex—how do I handle the situation without traumatizing them?

What to understand: They’re usually more startled by the noises or unusual positions than by the act itself (which they don’t understand).

What to do: Stay calm.

Cover up without making a big fuss and ask them to leave the room for a moment: “Honey, go out and close the door—we’ll be right there.”

What to say (afterward): Don’t ignore “the elephant in the room.” Go talk to them. Tailor your message to their age.

If they’re young: “Mom and Dad were having a private adult moment, cuddling.” If they’re older, you can be more explicit, emphasizing that it’s a natural thing that people who love each other do and that it always requires privacy.

My child wants to keep bathing with us or with their siblings of the opposite sex—up to what age is this appropriate?

What to understand: There’s no magic age or universal cutoff date. The limit is marked by the emergence of modesty, whether in the child or in the adults in the family.

What to do: Watch for the signs. Generally, between the ages of 5 and 8, children begin to demand more privacy by closing doors or hiding to get dressed.

What to say: If you’re the one who no longer feels comfortable, communicate this out of respect for your own body, not out of reject